Struggling with Suicidal Thoughts

12,546 Days Alive

3rd Day of NaNoWriMo

I don’t know what’s up with me today. I’m just not having a good brain day when I really should be.

I got to spend time with my cousin Kay; we grabbed breakfast and wandered Ross for a bit before parting ways to run errands.

I found the pair of pants I wanted from Walmart. I was able to go grocery shopping and help buy things for the house.

I was able to write and sweep and put away my clothes finally.

And yet I still am struggling. I’m really suicidal today. Like, had to pull over and park when I tried to leave WalMart struggling.

I’m home safely, but fuck was today hard. I don’t know if I can afford the $40 to $65 a week for an online therapist. I should keep looking, but it’s hard. I finally want to talk to someone and my insurance won’t cover it!

I’m tired. I’m going to go listen to happy music and meditate.

Take your meds, folks.

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