You’re writing your autobiography. What’s your opening sentence?

Of all the things I can do, there are three that I am not good at: making pancakes, juggling, and being angry.

What are three objects you couldn’t live without?

A book

My laptop with WiFi.

My meds bag

Do you believe in fate/destiny?

Yes, I believe in Fate and destiny. But it isn’t an all-consuming overlord or something like that. It’s a gentle guiding hand towards the end of our days, bedecked with friendships and trials aplenty.

Do you enjoy your job?

I enjoy what I do but I wish I helped more people.

What is your favorite drink?

My favorite drink is tea. Specifically sweet iced tea, southern style. But any tea is good.

Write about your approach to budgeting.

My approach to budgeting is to do my best to afford my meds and car insurance and car payments. Beyond that? Not much. I’m paycheck to paycheck right now.

Are you patriotic? What does being patriotic mean to you?

Oh, what the fuck is this shit?

You’re asking the person who got in trouble multiple times for not standing up for the Pledge of Allegiance in high school after 9/11.

Fuck. No. I am not patriotic. I think being all “fuck yeah, America is great” is a symptom of brainwashed fuckwits.

Being patriotic to me is laughable. Mockable even.

Fuck America and it’s for-profit bullshit. I’d be an ex-pat any day.

What were your parents doing at your age?

At my current age of 39, my father was doing fuck if I know.

My mother was coming off postpartum depression from my youngest brother’s birth.

Beyond that? It is a mystery.

If you had the power to change one law, what would it be and why?

You know those moronic laws that outlaw being gay? That entire category of legislation can die in a dumpster fire.

Write about your dream home.

My dream home is a small cottage. One and a half bathrooms to the ratio of two bedrooms. A kitchen that isn’t too small, with an actual, functional hearth in it. Or a wood stove. With a low maintenance, edible garden my brother Aaron and I teamed up to create outside, and a Dutch door painted either cherry red to welcome travelers or purple to let everyone know a witch lives here.

Maybe a tree that’s perfect to climb up and read in on lazy days, and a hammock for in the summer.

A home filled with laughter, love, and the occasional cat whisker.

You get some great, amazingly fantastic news. What’s the first thing you do?

If I got some splendid news, I’d tell my dear ones about it. Mellon, J, Reffie, and Chele, most likely. Depending on what time of day I got the news, I’d tell my sibs and Grandma Gator.