13,031 Days Alive
I had my meds doctor appointment today. I was honest about how much I’m struggling and how suicidal I am.
Continue reading “Of Tears and Tacos”Of Tears and Tacos
Category: Down the Rabbit Hole
Of Dill and Dishes
13,030 Days Alive
3 Cucumber Dill Sandwiches Consumed
My poor team lead Miss Britt is down for the count with a sinus infection, the poor dear. I hope she feels better soon. Work went well today, though I wish I’d gotten more calls done.
Continue reading “Of Dill and Dishes”Of Chicken and Calling
13,029 Days Alive
I actually feel like I did well at work today. I did a lot of calls, I think, and I didn’t cry in my car after work. Even had the spoons to make dinner when I got home despite being exhausted.
Continue reading “Of Chicken and Calling”Of Shopping and Synonyms
13,028 Days Alive
1,842 Steps Walked Today
2 Packs of Mushrooms Bought for Under $3.00
1 Final Chimichanga Eaten
So. The synonym of the day is “lifestyle change” rather than dieting. Because dieting has very negative connections in my mind and I take it to extreme and dangerous lengths. So instead, I’m making a lifestyle change.
Continue reading “Of Shopping and Synonyms”Of Paranoia and Paranorman
13,026 Days Alive
Today was awful and I don’t want to talk about it. The highlight of my day was watching the Lakia film Paranorman.
Continue reading “Of Paranoia and Paranorman”Of Struggles and Silence
13,025 Days Alive
I’m… still not okay. I don’t have the spoon to go into it much, but suffice it to say that I’m terrified I’m going to lose my job. And by extension my place or live and car and everything.
I just don’t have a lot of fight left in me.
I’m going to bed.
Take your meds , folks.
Of Spaghetti and Suicidal Thoughts
13,024 Days Alive
1 Bowl of Pasta Eaten
I’m more exhausted than a NASCAR tailpipe right now, and I’m fried from work, so I’ll be quick.
I’m really, really in a dark place right now. I’m having trouble with the mental radio.
I’m not okay. But I’m going to do my best to power through this down slide.
I’m going to go cry myself to sleep.
Take your meds, folks.
Of Pills and Pain Levels
13,023 Days Alive
15 Hour Day
2 Slices of Cake Eaten
I’ve been up since six am. Relatively okay, actually. I got done what I aimed to do this work day and mostly relaxed after work.
Continue reading “Of Pills and Pain Levels”Of Appointments and Apathy
13,022 Days Alive
Fair warning: heavy topics hereafter: it has been brought to my attention that being actively suicidal means my meds aren’t working. I thought it was something wrong with me. I’m not unhappy, per se, at least not more than usual. I mean, I’ve even had some good days recently.
Continue reading “Of Appointments and Apathy”Of Pearls and Progress
13,021 Days Alive
1 Cup of Chai Enjoyed
So I made cheaters Caprese salad this evening. Basil, tomato, mozzarella pearls, spring mix, white onion, and balsamic vinaigrette. Super easy to make and eat. It gets better the longer it rests, too, so the leftovers will be awesome tomorrow.
Continue reading “Of Pearls and Progress”Of Plans and Pizza
13,020 Days Alive
5 Episodes of Kitchen Nightmares Watched
4 Slices of Pizza Eaten
I had planned to make cookies after attending Crafty Women via Zoom this morning. But with Spock waking me up yet again at just past five thirty in the morning, I was exhausted.
Continue reading “Of Plans and Pizza”Of Grapes and Gratitude
13,019 Days Alive
I made it through the day without puking from stress or pain! I’m genuinely grateful for that, as the rest of this week the same could not be said.
Continue reading “Of Grapes and Gratitude”Of Nausea and Nachos
13,018 Days Alive
3 Days of Migraine
1 Nauseous Me
I left work early today. I didn’t throw up in the trash can at work again, but it was a near thing. I did end up pain-puking when I got home and knocked out after a second dose of imatrex for almost three hours today.
Continue reading “Of Nausea and Nachos”