Coming back from the other side of my Bipolar Wonderland through medication, creativity, and moxie.
Have you ever broken a bone?
The honest answer is “I don’t know”. I might have broken some knuckles back in my hot-tempered teenage years, as I was an angry, scrappy thing.
But as for major bones? I don’t think so. I’ve pulled a few muscles, sprained some ankles, but I don’t think I’ve broken any major bones.
What sacrifices have you made in life?
Too many to name, for people that didn’t always deserve my attention.
What’s the oldest things you’re wearing today?
The oldest thing I’m wearing today is my pentacle. It’s on a chain my grandmother wore, then my mother, then me. I’ve been wearing it since 2003, literally twenty years now.
List your top 5 favorite fruits.
1. Granny Smith Apples
2. Green Seedless Grapes
3. Cherries
4. Lemons
5. Mandarin Oranges
What is your career plan?
It’s less a path, more a seldom-navigated deer track in the woods. I have a day job that I might turn into a career.
But in my heart of hearts, I want to be a published author. I want to sell my stories and be able to support myself.
Writing is my love.
What’s a job you would like to do for just one day?
A job I’d like to do for just one day, just to fulfill my childhood dream, is be a bartender at a tiny, hole in the wall, nowheresville bar. Just once.
I wanted so badly to be a great server and bartender when I was growing up. My mom worked at TGIFriday’s when I was a kid and somewhere in the world is a picture of little six or seven year old me wearing her uniform shirt like a dress.
Do you have a quote you live your life by or think of often?
In times of strife or stubble, much like I am going through right now, I bring to mind Max Ehrmann’s poem Desiderata. It is a few years shy of a century old poem, but resonates so strongly with me in so many ways.
One line in particular strikes a chord with me to the point of wanting to get it tattooed onto me:
Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here.
Max Ehrmann, 1927
source: https://www.desiderata.com/desiderata.html
That last line in particular helps me. “You have a right to be here.” I don’t always feel that I do. I don’t often feel like I wish to be here. It’s a daily battle I wage against my own brain gremlins.
I hate that I’m suicidal. It makes me feel like I’m weak or something.
All I can do is keep going.
Have you ever been camping?
I have been camping, many, many years ago. We went with my stepfather, cousins, and sister, I believe.
I remember fishing. S’mores. And some not so pleasant parts.
I’d like to make new memories camping, or maybe staying in a cabin?
When do you feel most productive?
It depends on when I’ve gotten out of bed, but usually around noon to three or so. Unless I got up at five am so then it’s like 7-10am.
What makes you nervous?
I fucking have anxiety. The list would be shorter were I to list what doesn’t make me anxious.
Cats, crocheting, and books are pretty much the only things that don’t make me anxious.
How do you unwind after a demanding day?
After a long day, I take solace in books and yarn. If I’m not reading, or sometimes even when I am, I crochet to relax.
A demanding day? Almost every day is demanding, so I often have multiple crochet projects going.
Jot down the first thing that comes to your mind.
I’m not always glad I am still here. I know it’s probably the brain gremlins talking. I know it. But I am not always glad for the continued struggle, despite the successes I’ve had.
I have my GED. A place to live. A really, really good job. And I have my cat, partner, and a small group of local friends.
I just have to keep going. But fucking hell is it exhausting.
Describe a decision you made in the past that helped you learn or grow.
Any time I kick myself face-first out of my comfort zone, I seem to grow from it.
Postmark Wonderland 