Tag: dailyprompt

Prompt Answer: Why Blog?

~ Theodora Vanyar ~ Leave a comment

Why do you blog?

I am going to answer this in typical Theo fashion: in a round about way.

I grew up lonely in a crowd of people who overlooked me so thoroughly, so completely. They never seemed to see me. Instead, they saw how I could be useful to them. It wasn’t until I was older that I realized I came from a household that never truly had a chance in hell to be whole or balanced or not broken.

I am the child of several very complicated people. Flawed, broken, human people who made mistakes and had their small victories. Whether I want to or not, I live on in the wake of their deaths, some of them. For the living, I strive on in hopes of seeing them again soon.

I blog because I am a fantastically flawed human being who strives to leave the world a little better in their wake. I blog so maybe, someday, I won’t be forgotten as soon as I return to dust. I blog to be seen, hear, and see and hear others in turn.

I blog for myself, for you and any other person I can call friend.

L

Prompt Answer: A Word Overused

~ Theodora Vanyar ~ Leave a comment

What is a word you feel that too many people use?

In America, with it having been around since the initial signing of the Declaration of Independence on 2nd, July, 1776, the word “freedom” is thrown around a lot.

People think the freedom of speech should be freedom from consequences or that racism is a bygone issue when there are still sundown towns across the country.

I am as free as a canary in a coal mine, screaming a warning, unheeded, for the dangers to come.

All I can do is my best.

Prompt Answer: Positive Emotion

~ Theodora Vanyar ~ Leave a comment

What positive emotion do you feel most often?

I actually felt the need to consult the Feelings Wheel my prior therapist sent me for this one. I wasn’t sure if curiosity was an option?

While i’m not sure if it’s because I am not by stretch of anyone’s imagination neurotypical, if it’s because I have too much emotional trauma from over the years, or I just keep failing to grasp the differences between the multitudes of emotional states a person can have, I struggle a lot with emotions. Particularly, with identifying what emotion I am feeling. I struggle with expressing and acknowledging negative emotions. for the most part.

However, if I had to pick a positive emotion that I feel the most often it would be curiosity. 

Prompt Answer: Bringing Peace

~ Theodora Vanyar ~ Leave a comment

What brings you peace?

I often find myself trying to avoid the chaos inside my mind. For a mental illness that is supposed “all in my head” or some such utter nonsense that is meant to diminish what I deal with on a regular basis, it sure is pretty potent. In any case, I often have to find external focus points for my brain to reach even a modicum of quiet. Whether it’s dishes or cooking, crocheting or sweeping , or even just playing Tetris, I have to have something for my hands to do.

Prompt Answer: Random Act of Kindness

~ Theodora Vanyar ~ Leave a comment

Write about a random act of kindness you’ve done for someone.

I don’t quite know how to phrase this particular response without sounding self-aggrandizing or prideful.

I am kind because the world is not. I am patient with most people because others are not. I am helpful, compassionate, and empathetic because the world is filled with cruelty.

The only way to make it better is with little acts of kindness.

Everybody wants to save the Earth; nobody wants to help Mom do the dishes.

Prompt Answer: An AU of My Life

~ Theodora Vanyar ~ Leave a comment

Describe your life in an alternate universe.

In an alternate universe, I am gone.

I am naught but a bit of leftover ash and bone in a pretty little jar on a mantle of a strange kitchen fireplace in Altamonte Springs, Florida.

What once was my body rattles on the mantle as my nieces thunder by on the tile floors. As children are wont to do, those delightful little girls, right now just five and six years old, run like a heard of elephants through the house. As often as they can, they are shrieking in glee and doing most things at maximum volume.

Since human cremains are so high in salt, phosphate, and calcium, while also having a high pH, maybe I’ve been diluted and mixed into the enriched soil beneath the blueberry bushes I convinced my brother to purchase that one trip to Home Depot we took years ago.

In any case, I have shuffled off this mortal coil in this other world. Maybe I have been reborn as a chubby and beloved kitten or a feisty little foal with mischief in my heart. I am gone, but not forgotten. Dead, but not lost to memory, yet.

In another universe, I am but ash in a jar on the mantle of a fireplace.

Prompt Answer: Future Travel Plans

~ Theodora Vanyar ~ Leave a comment

What are your future travel plans?

Well, they have changed since last I answered this question. Now that I’m living in Wisconsin, travelling to Illinois to see the mess of siblings and other assorted, vaguely related people that I hold dear is in the list.

Mitsuwa Market in Arlington Heights, Illinois and Chicago’s Chinatown are also on the travel list.

I’d love to finally be able to coordinate that trip with Reffie, maybe eventually visit Uncle Gator and family after they get settled in their new place. Oh! And go to Salem, Massachusetts! Not during October, because fuck that many people around. But maybe late fall/early spring?

I’d love to go to the ridiculous and apparently delicious all-you-can-eat themed dinner theater thing called Sneaky Pete’s Wild West Dinner Show. It has been added to the household bucket list.

I also would love to get out of the USA at some point soon. Probably not to leave-leave? Hit definitely get somewhere a little less hellscape.

Prompt Answer: Typical?

~ Theodora Vanyar ~ Leave a comment

Was today typical?

Was today typical? Decidedly not.

Our main printer broke and our secondary one kept jamming. It was a rough two and a half to three hours of stress and hurry up just to wait some more. I usually love my desk, because it’s a standing desk that I have a tall chair for in case I need to sit. But today I was up and down trying to help them get either printer working before the repair technician showed up.

I was already struggling with my pain levels before I did the deck chair Hokey Pokey. Now, my pain levels are through the fucking roof. I threw up both breakfast and lunch today. I legitimately thought I was going to pass out at one point, because I had to take a bunch of deep breaths. I just sat the fuck down in the middle of the hallway near the bathrooms because I was just… out of it. My ears were ringing, my vision went spotty, and I thought I was going to throw up again. It wasn’t a headaches my butt would have gone to the ER. But it was like my usual full ache was dialed up to eleven.

Between this fibromyalgia flare up, the left hip bursitis, my white blood cell count being up to 10.4 K/ul (down from 12.67 in February where fuck if anyone knew why it was that high), my PCOS giving me double trouble for the last three months in a row, and my anemia kicking my ass it’s a wonder I can get out of bed.

I’m so tired of being in pain. I’m so weary. Hopefully my new treatment team will be of better help to me than my previous one.

Goodness knows I have a better, if still small, support system right now.

Take your meds, folks.