Coming back from the other side of my Bipolar Wonderland through medication, creativity, and moxie.
13,853 Days Alive
The Crisis Hotline was less than helpful today. They hung up on me when I called. But I’m going to assume technical difficulties.
I’m still here. I’m taking my meds, reaching out to talk to people when I’m struggling.
That’s all I’ve got today.
Take your meds, folks.
13,850 Days Alive
I am fighting to stay awake. I’m just so tired. And tired of being tired and in pain.
13,842 Days Alive
1 Cup Of Noodles Eaten
I am still working on getting through Story Genius and re-hammering out the story for my novel, Midnight Calls.
Continue reading “Of Noodles and Notebooks”
13,841 Days Alive
241 Words Written Today
4 Sandwiches Made
So, it’s been a few days since I’ve done a proper blog post. I’ve been fantastically depressed and not feeling up to pouring myself onto the digital page.
Continue reading “Of Depression and Dinner”Do you have a quote you live your life by or think of often?
In times of strife or stubble, much like I am going through right now, I bring to mind Max Ehrmann’s poem Desiderata. It is a few years shy of a century old poem, but resonates so strongly with me in so many ways.
One line in particular strikes a chord with me to the point of wanting to get it tattooed onto me:
Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here.
Max Ehrmann, 1927
source: https://www.desiderata.com/desiderata.html
That last line in particular helps me. “You have a right to be here.” I don’t always feel that I do. I don’t often feel like I wish to be here. It’s a daily battle I wage against my own brain gremlins.
I hate that I’m suicidal. It makes me feel like I’m weak or something.
All I can do is keep going.
13,820 Days Alive
I spent the day writing for the first time in forever. I hopped on the weekly sprint thing in the 221B Discord that I love and was able to get about 600 words written. I feel accomplished.
Continue reading “Of Weirdness and Writing”
13,819 Days Alive
We’re at our Saturday Pathfinder game and I left my new Haruhi Hitlock, my Strix crack shot, mini-figurine at home. Boo.
Continue reading “Of Haruhi and Horchata”
13,818 Days Alive
2 Empanada Operada Eaten
1 New Mini Figure Received!
The mini-figure for my Pathfinder character, Haruhi Hitlock, arrived today! She’s a crack shot Strix, an owl person, who looks awesome.
Continue reading “Of Dice and Dirt”
13,814 Days Alive
3 Spiced Brown Sugar Bacon Twists Eaten
1 Pot of Potato Soup Made
Oh. My. Gods.
Mellon had a pair of plushies made for us: a Bean, me, and a Melon slice, them! They are painfully adorable.
Continue reading “Of Bacon and Beans”
13,813 Days Alive
7 Days of Pills Prepped
2 Grocery Stores Shopped
4 Meals Planned
I hate doing dishes. I love having a clean sink and silverware to use though, so I’ve been doing them little by little.
But gods did the sink need a good scrubbing.
Continue reading “Of Groceries and Gross”
13,812 Days Alive
27 Armor Class
5 Rows Added to Junior’s Blanket
Well, my brain gremlins/depression kicked up again. I could barely pull myself from bed today. And ended up needing a nap halfway through the day because I couldn’t keep my eyes open.
Continue reading “Of Rows and Rice”Jot down the first thing that comes to your mind.
I’m not always glad I am still here. I know it’s probably the brain gremlins talking. I know it. But I am not always glad for the continued struggle, despite the successes I’ve had.
I have my GED. A place to live. A really, really good job. And I have my cat, partner, and a small group of local friends.
I just have to keep going. But fucking hell is it exhausting.
Postmark Wonderland 