This week has been hell.
Category: Suicidal
Of Anxiety and Alfredo
14,721 Days Alive
303 Job Applications Submitted Since 11 September, 2025
3 Packages of Alfredo-Style Dried Pasta Mix
1 Delicious Dinner
The hell does it say about me that after 50 milligrams of hydroxyzine, I am still peel-me-off-the-ceiling anxious?
Continue reading “Of Anxiety and Alfredo”Of Fountain Pens and Fervency
14,707 Days Alive
2,565 Days on Postmark Wonderland
7 Years on Postmark Wonderland
I forgot that it was the seven year anniversary of my being diagnosed with a mental health problem, specifically bipolar disorder with mania, major depressive disorder, generalized anxiety disorder, fibromyalgia, and CPTSD.
Continue reading “Of Fountain Pens and Fervency”Of Lie Ins and Laid Off
14,688 Days Alive
80+ Job Applications Put In
$23.00 Spent on 26 Sliced, Freshly Made Donuts and Two Tubs of Whipped Cream Cheese
3 Cat Treats Stolen from Spock By Benny
1 Gradual Reduction of Shock
I think I’m ready to talk about what happened on Thursday. Prefacing with I am physically fine, I am mentally, emotionally, and fiscally fucked.
Continue reading “Of Lie Ins and Laid Off”Of Workload and Wishes
14,680 Days Alive
5 Different Bottles of Herb-Infused Anointing Oil to Make Before the Full Moon on Sunday
4 Candle Sigils to Draft Before the Full Moon on Sunday
I feel very stretched thin. Relaxing feels pretty much absolutely impossible for me right now.
Continue reading “Of Workload and Wishes”Of Batty and Burgers
14,673 Days Alive
4 Movies “By Association”
1 Wendy’s Junior Cheeseburger Eaten as Part of Dinner
Okay, so, this might seem a little random but I really miss Robin Williams’ movies. I could rattle off more than a few of his movies off the top of my head. I could associate at least one role with a particular emotion, even. But holy fuck do I hate having depression in common with him.
Continue reading “Of Batty and Burgers”Prompt Answer: An AU of My Life
Describe your life in an alternate universe.
In an alternate universe, I am gone.
I am naught but a bit of leftover ash and bone in a pretty little jar on a mantle of a strange kitchen fireplace in Altamonte Springs, Florida.
What once was my body rattles on the mantle as my nieces thunder by on the tile floors. As children are wont to do, those delightful little girls, right now just five and six years old, run like a heard of elephants through the house. As often as they can, they are shrieking in glee and doing most things at maximum volume.
Since human cremains are so high in salt, phosphate, and calcium, while also having a high pH, maybe I’ve been diluted and mixed into the enriched soil beneath the blueberry bushes I convinced my brother to purchase that one trip to Home Depot we took years ago.
In any case, I have shuffled off this mortal coil in this other world. Maybe I have been reborn as a chubby and beloved kitten or a feisty little foal with mischief in my heart. I am gone, but not forgotten. Dead, but not lost to memory, yet.
In another universe, I am but ash in a jar on the mantle of a fireplace.
Of Beef Stew and Back Pain
14,340 Days Alive
89.67 % in My Grades So Far This Week
2.7 Lbs of Chuck Roast Turned into Stew Meat
I finished up this week’s homework today. I even did the extra credit for fun.
Continue reading “Of Beef Stew and Back Pain”Of Thigh Pain and Things to Put Away
14,339 Days Alive
6 Oreos Eaten
1 Bowl of Tater To Nachos Eaten for Dinner
I hate not having bookshelves. Hate, hate, hate it. I’m still living out of boxes and bags and it is grating on my nerves.
I went to the doctor yesterday and got diagnosed with “pretty bad bursitis” of my left hip. Pain meds, ice, heat, and rest have all been recommended and done.
I just want to not hurt.
Lucian made totchos for dinner this evening. Tater tot nachos. They were ridiculously good.
I’m going to go pass out.
Take your meds, folks.
No spoons, only knives.
Not dead. Didn’t eat lunch.
Take your meds, folks!
Of Burrito Bowls and Brain Gremlins
14,568 Days Alive
3 Discussion Board Posts Made Today
1 Very Loud Brain Gremlin
I know I can be sensitive sometimes. It’s a thing. Like Rejection Sensitivity is a thing I struggle with. Psychology Today can define it way better than I can.
Continue reading “Of Burrito Bowls and Brain Gremlins”Of Storms and Sleep
14,567 Days Alive
My head is killing me post-panic attack. I’m going to bed.
Take your meds, folks.
Of Beltane 2025 and Birthday Brats
14,553 Days Alive
15 Years of Spock Being Alive
1 More Day Until My Iron Infusion Appointment
I’m super fucking out of spoons, so this will be brief.
Continue reading “Of Beltane 2025 and Birthday Brats”









