I forgot that it was the seven year anniversary of my being diagnosed with a mental health problem, specifically bipolar disorder with mania, major depressive disorder, generalized anxiety disorder, fibromyalgia, and CPTSD.
1 Wendy’s Junior Cheeseburger Eaten as Part of Dinner
Okay, so, this might seem a little random but I really miss Robin Williams’ movies. I could rattle off more than a few of his movies off the top of my head. I could associate at least one role with a particular emotion, even. But holy fuck do I hate having depression in common with him.
I am naught but a bit of leftover ash and bone in a pretty little jar on a mantle of a strange kitchen fireplace in Altamonte Springs, Florida.
What once was my body rattles on the mantle as my nieces thunder by on the tile floors. As children are wont to do, those delightful little girls, right now just five and six years old, run like a heard of elephants through the house. As often as they can, they are shrieking in glee and doing most things at maximum volume.
Since human cremains are so high in salt, phosphate, and calcium, while also having a high pH, maybe I’ve been diluted and mixed into the enriched soil beneath the blueberry bushes I convinced my brother to purchase that one trip to Home Depot we took years ago.
In any case, I have shuffled off this mortal coil in this other world. Maybe I have been reborn as a chubby and beloved kitten or a feisty little foal with mischief in my heart. I am gone, but not forgotten. Dead, but not lost to memory, yet.
In another universe, I am but ash in a jar on the mantle of a fireplace.
I hate not having bookshelves. Hate, hate, hate it. I’m still living out of boxes and bags and it is grating on my nerves.
I went to the doctor yesterday and got diagnosed with “pretty bad bursitis” of my left hip. Pain meds, ice, heat, and rest have all been recommended and done.
I just want to not hurt.
Lucian made totchos for dinner this evening. Tater tot nachos. They were ridiculously good.
I know I can be sensitive sometimes. It’s a thing. Like Rejection Sensitivity is a thing I struggle with. Psychology Today can define it way better than I can.
3 Buffalo-Sauce Dipped Chicken Tenders from Rally’s
47 Minute Nap
1 Discussion Board Post Made Today
I am utterly exhausted. I woke up at quarter to seven this morning…. Which absolutely sucks bawls because I didn’t fall asleep until well after four am this morning. Ugh.