Quills and Queasiness

12,246 Days Alive

7,341 Books to Read

2,811 Steps Taken

1 Cup of Tea

I gifted some beautiful feathers to J today and snapped a pic of myself feeling cute.

I maintain that my current haircut and choice of glasses make me look like an elementary art teacher.

I’ve been queasy endlessly since yesterday afternoon. Just general gastrointestinal distress that was more annoying than anything.

Had a panic attack today for the first time in about two weeks. I revealed some personal information about why the charity drive at work is so important to me and several people didn’t react positively. I think that’s what triggered r at least.

I threw up after. That’s only the third time this year that has happened. This job is so much better for my mental health than my previous.

But dear gods am I utterly exhausted. I’m just, I don’t know what to do. I’m sleeping at least four hours a night but I can’t seem to shake this bone-deep exhaustion. My focus is terrible and I’m back to writing everything down lest I forget it.

It’s like a never ending episode of brain fatigue or something.

The new meds seem to be helping at least. Not with the focus, as said that’s still shit, but definitely with the depression and the massive mods swings.

I would even say I’m not suicidal right now.

If you don’t understand, that’s fucking remarkable to say because that’s the first time this year it’s true.

I’m not suicidal right now. I want some stressful situations to stop. And I’d love to not lose $200 of my paycheck a year to fucking parking at work, but short of finding a new, better paying job, that’s not happening. I need a raise.

Honestly, I need like $500 and all my immediate issues would be taken care of and I would be caught up. Guess I need to buy a lotto ticket or something.

I need to take my meds and go to bed.

Good night. Take your meds. Hydrate. I’m here if you need to talk.

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