Self-Love Prompt: Day 12

Day twelve of the journal prompts.

Quick recap: for me, May of 2020 is all about self-love. Each day, I’ll be working from one of the prompts from Tia Harding’s 32 Self-Love Journal Prompts or from The Petite Planner’s 30 Days of Self-Love.

Here’s today’s prompt: “Reverse your insecurities into the positive and now repeat those to yourself. i.e. “I am ugly” becomes “I am beautiful.” This one may be the most difficult one yet. I don’t know if I’m doing this right, but I’m trying, damn it. This may be triggering to some, for discussion of loss of people and discussion of weight.

I am fat.

This is true, but it’s not necessarily a negative. I am overweight, very much so, but I’m working on it. I’ve already lost over one hundred pounds and my goal is to lose one hundred more. I’ll get there, I just need to be patience and diligent about it.

I am weird looking.

I have unique features. My eyes are definitely from my birth father’s side of the family and it’s just genetics. One can’t really help their face without surgical intervention and I absolutely don’t want that. I do like the little laugh lines at my eyes.

I hate my smile.

Okay, this one is because you couldn’t afford braces as a child, self. Sure, you have a slightly wonky smile, but people say it’s genuine.

I am a bad writer.

This one… No, I’m a writer that struggles to finish writing projects and that is still trying to find their voice. It’s something I need to work on and why I tackle projects like this, like Flash Fiction February, like Camp NaNoWriMo, and November’s “regular” NaNoWriMo. I’m trying. And I’ll get there.

I am difficult to love because of all the problems I have.

This one…is hard. I feel this way partially because of the failure of my marriage, but! I know that it isn’t true from that. My ex-wife and I just need different people. And it doesn’t mean I’m difficult to love. I have anxiety. I have depression. But there are fantastic examples of people in my life who have similar issues that have found love. And romantic affections aside, I have some awesome platonic and familial loves.

I am afraid of being forgotten.

I feel like this one is universal. We all want to be remembered, and there are people whose lives I’ve made impacts on that are unlikely to forget me. We’re all forgotten, in the end, but I don’t think I will be forgotten any time soon.

I am terrified I will lose everyone in the end.

This is just straight up anxiety talking. People aren’t always meant to stay in your life for the long haul. What’s that quote? “Some people are in your life for a season, a reason, or a lifetime”? Something like that. I can’t find who to attribute it to. Anyway, it’s true.

People don’t really like me, they just tolerate me.

Again, this is completely on anxiety-brain. I have a close-knit group of very good friends and a plethora of other distant friends and acquaintances. Sure, I’ve lost friendships over the years, for one reason or another. Sometimes, I’ll admit, it was my fault entirely. But, these days I’m more careful about who I allow into my life, and who I chose to support.

That’s all I’ve got for now. I’ll add more as I think of them.

Gotta run. Have a good day!

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