All right, another tricky one. This one is dark and delves deep into some of my issues. So, be forewarned.
Quick recap: for me, May of 2020 is all about self-love. I’m trying to be kinder and embrace a more self-focused positive attitude. Each day, I’ll be working from one of the prompts from Tia Harding’s 32 Self-Love Journal Prompts or from The Petite Planner’s 30 Days of Self-Love.
Here’s today’s prompt: “What areas of life do you need help with?“
Trigger warning: discussion of rape/sexual abuse, physical abuse, eating disorder, and alcoholism.
I had to think long and hard about this one.
The first one is easy, I think; just kind of ripping off the band-aid here. I need help coping with all of the trauma I have gone through. I am a survivor of multiple instances of sexual abuse and rape. The first time, I was barely five. The last time, twenty-seven. I’ve kind of stepped away from dating people since then, other than my most recent, four year relationship with Stephanie. I haven’t had the misfortune to cross paths with another rapist since then.
I’ve also survived emotional turmoil, physical abuse, and my own stupidity had me an alcoholic at the age of sixteen. I stopped drinking at twenty-one, literally the day of my twenty-first birthday and can easily recall each time that I chose to have a drink since then, since I wasn’t drinking to blackout/passing out.
I’m currently struggling with a mild eating disorder. It’s not full blown anorexia, like one member of my family previously battled with. But I do have great difficulty forcing myself to eat on a regular basis. And then, I have the tendency to over-eat or eat past the point of being full. That’s the first time, other than to Vickie and maybe one other person, I’ve admitted that I think I have an eating disorder. I’m working on it.
I need help with dealing with what I’ve gone through, processing it and de-tangling it from affecting me so much.
I need help in general, but those are the areas I struggle with the most.
I’m gonna go read something fluffy. Have a good day.