Getting into a really tough one today: forgiveness. More than halfway through the month. Can’t quit now!
Here’s today’s prompt: “What can you forgive yourself for?“
Forgiveness is…difficult for me, at least when it’s self-directed.
I feel like there’s a lot that I should forgive myself for, things whose guilt I have shouldered for years.
I don’t know if I can go into them here, honestly. Not do so and have a good day. But suffice it to say that there is a lot I need to work with Vickie, my therapist, on when it comes to forgiveness.
I’ve forgiven others for things they’ve done to me. And I’ve absolutely forgiven myself for self-medicating on alcohol when I was younger. That’s a big one.
I think the one I struggle with the most is failure. I’m very hard on myself when I fail at things. Like college: I had to drop out. I’ve still not forgiven myself for not trying hard, even though I was fucking homeless at the time. I feel like I should have done more to fight, but I just didn’t have the energy or resources. I need to work on that.
I’m allowed to fail. I just can’t stop trying just because I fail.
Forgiveness…well, let’s call it a work in progress for me.
Have a good day, folks.