Two weeks in, now. And here’s a turn for the serious. Well, the more-serious.
Quick recap: for me, May of 2020 is all about self-love. I’m really capable of getting down on myself, so I’m trying to be kinder and embrace a more self-focused positive attitude. Each day, I’ll be working from one of the prompts from Tia Harding’s 32 Self-Love Journal Prompts or from The Petite Planner’s 30 Days of Self-Love.
Here’s today’s prompt: “What are your beliefs about yourself? Are they true?“
My beliefs about myself are often tinged by my anxiety and depression.
I feel as though I am a difficult person to be with, be it in a platonic or romantic sense, because I have such struggles due to my wonky brain chemistry. This may, honestly, be true. But it’s also true that I’m worth the struggle, worth the bad days just as much as the good days. And most of the people in my life are fairly understanding and patient. I couldn’t ask for better friends than Stephanie, Tink, J, Reffie, and Chelé, who have all been there over the past several years while I’ve been dealing with the worst of the brain gremlins.
I feel as though I’ll never accomplish anything in my life. But, as I look back, I already find that it’s not true. I got my GED. I learned to drive and got a car. I have a place to live and friends that love me. I’m even an ordained minister! I’ve accomplished a lot just in the last decade. I just have to push myself, go back to school or actually finish a writing project to submit it for publication.
I feel as though others are doing more than me, better than me. This is just comparison bullshit that I don’t need to be focusing on. Jealousy and envy, while natural emotions, are something I need to acknowledge and work past. I’m on a journey and while it may take me longer to say, lose weight, than some people in my life, I also have drastically different circumstances with which I’m working.
I feel, in general, that I’m not good enough. And I don’t know how to work on this one except with Vickie, my therapist. I’m a work in progress and I need to be cognizant of it.
On the not-so dreary side, I feel that I am usually a good friend. While I may not always be on time, or sometimes brain or body gremlins get in the way, one can usually count on me to pick up the phone when you call. Although, I have to sleep sometime, so maybe not after eleven p.m. on weeknights.
I feel that I do have some skills in art. I’m not bad at abstract drawings, and I’m getting pretty good at card making and drawing flowers. I do consider myself an artist of many mediums and I am successful in many attempts to ‘make art’.
That’s all for now. Have a good day, folks.