13,842 Days Alive
1 Cup Of Noodles Eaten
I am still working on getting through Story Genius and re-hammering out the story for my novel, Midnight Calls.
Continue reading “Of Noodles and Notebooks”Of Noodles and Notebooks
Tag: Suicidal
Of Depression and Dinner
13,841 Days Alive
241 Words Written Today
4 Sandwiches Made
So, it’s been a few days since I’ve done a proper blog post. I’ve been fantastically depressed and not feeling up to pouring myself onto the digital page.
Continue reading “Of Depression and Dinner”Still alive
Of Emotions and Electronics
13,834 Days Alive
1,677 Words Written Today
1,333 Days Straight on Duolingo
1 Accidental Nap
I was not as productive as I wanted to be today. Just… emotionally overwhelmed. I hate this particular holiday. Mother’s Day is not a happy day for me.
Continue reading “Of Emotions and Electronics”Prompt Answer: Quote to Live By
Do you have a quote you live your life by or think of often?
In times of strife or stubble, much like I am going through right now, I bring to mind Max Ehrmann’s poem Desiderata. It is a few years shy of a century old poem, but resonates so strongly with me in so many ways.
One line in particular strikes a chord with me to the point of wanting to get it tattooed onto me:
Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here.
Max Ehrmann, 1927
source: https://www.desiderata.com/desiderata.html
That last line in particular helps me. “You have a right to be here.” I don’t always feel that I do. I don’t often feel like I wish to be here. It’s a daily battle I wage against my own brain gremlins.
I hate that I’m suicidal. It makes me feel like I’m weak or something.
All I can do is keep going.
Of Weirdness and Writing
13,820 Days Alive
I spent the day writing for the first time in forever. I hopped on the weekly sprint thing in the 221B Discord that I love and was able to get about 600 words written. I feel accomplished.
Continue reading “Of Weirdness and Writing”Of Haruhi and Horchata
13,819 Days Alive
We’re at our Saturday Pathfinder game and I left my new Haruhi Hitlock, my Strix crack shot, mini-figurine at home. Boo.
Continue reading “Of Haruhi and Horchata”Of Dice and Dirt
13,818 Days Alive
2 Empanada Operada Eaten
1 New Mini Figure Received!
The mini-figure for my Pathfinder character, Haruhi Hitlock, arrived today! She’s a crack shot Strix, an owl person, who looks awesome.
Continue reading “Of Dice and Dirt”Of Pain and Politics
13,816 Days Alive
1,315 Days Straight on Duolingo
One of my coworkers was out today. It wasn’t said why, so I hope she’s okay. Otherwise, work was full of studying, trainings, and web-held meetings. I’ve taken over thirty pages of notes for the new job.
Continue reading “Of Pain and Politics”Of Bacon and Beans
13,814 Days Alive
3 Spiced Brown Sugar Bacon Twists Eaten
1 Pot of Potato Soup Made
Oh. My. Gods.
Mellon had a pair of plushies made for us: a Bean, me, and a Melon slice, them! They are painfully adorable.
Continue reading “Of Bacon and Beans”Of Groceries and Gross
13,813 Days Alive
7 Days of Pills Prepped
2 Grocery Stores Shopped
4 Meals Planned
I hate doing dishes. I love having a clean sink and silverware to use though, so I’ve been doing them little by little.
But gods did the sink need a good scrubbing.
Continue reading “Of Groceries and Gross”Of Rows and Rice
13,812 Days Alive
27 Armor Class
5 Rows Added to Junior’s Blanket
Well, my brain gremlins/depression kicked up again. I could barely pull myself from bed today. And ended up needing a nap halfway through the day because I couldn’t keep my eyes open.
Continue reading “Of Rows and Rice”Prompt Answer: First Thing That Comes To Mind
Jot down the first thing that comes to your mind.
I’m not always glad I am still here. I know it’s probably the brain gremlins talking. I know it. But I am not always glad for the continued struggle, despite the successes I’ve had.
I have my GED. A place to live. A really, really good job. And I have my cat, partner, and a small group of local friends.
I just have to keep going. But fucking hell is it exhausting.
Postmark Wonderland 