13,031 Days Alive
I had my meds doctor appointment today. I was honest about how much I’m struggling and how suicidal I am.
Continue reading “Of Tears and Tacos”Of Tears and Tacos
Tag: Suicidal
Of Dill and Dishes
13,030 Days Alive
3 Cucumber Dill Sandwiches Consumed
My poor team lead Miss Britt is down for the count with a sinus infection, the poor dear. I hope she feels better soon. Work went well today, though I wish I’d gotten more calls done.
Continue reading “Of Dill and Dishes”Of Chicken and Calling
13,029 Days Alive
I actually feel like I did well at work today. I did a lot of calls, I think, and I didn’t cry in my car after work. Even had the spoons to make dinner when I got home despite being exhausted.
Continue reading “Of Chicken and Calling”Of Shopping and Synonyms
13,028 Days Alive
1,842 Steps Walked Today
2 Packs of Mushrooms Bought for Under $3.00
1 Final Chimichanga Eaten
So. The synonym of the day is “lifestyle change” rather than dieting. Because dieting has very negative connections in my mind and I take it to extreme and dangerous lengths. So instead, I’m making a lifestyle change.
Continue reading “Of Shopping and Synonyms”Of Struggles and Silence
13,025 Days Alive
I’m… still not okay. I don’t have the spoon to go into it much, but suffice it to say that I’m terrified I’m going to lose my job. And by extension my place or live and car and everything.
I just don’t have a lot of fight left in me.
I’m going to bed.
Take your meds , folks.
Of Spaghetti and Suicidal Thoughts
13,024 Days Alive
1 Bowl of Pasta Eaten
I’m more exhausted than a NASCAR tailpipe right now, and I’m fried from work, so I’ll be quick.
I’m really, really in a dark place right now. I’m having trouble with the mental radio.
I’m not okay. But I’m going to do my best to power through this down slide.
I’m going to go cry myself to sleep.
Take your meds, folks.
Of Pills and Pain Levels
13,023 Days Alive
15 Hour Day
2 Slices of Cake Eaten
I’ve been up since six am. Relatively okay, actually. I got done what I aimed to do this work day and mostly relaxed after work.
Continue reading “Of Pills and Pain Levels”Of Appointments and Apathy
13,022 Days Alive
Fair warning: heavy topics hereafter: it has been brought to my attention that being actively suicidal means my meds aren’t working. I thought it was something wrong with me. I’m not unhappy, per se, at least not more than usual. I mean, I’ve even had some good days recently.
Continue reading “Of Appointments and Apathy”Of Nausea and Nachos
13,018 Days Alive
3 Days of Migraine
1 Nauseous Me
I left work early today. I didn’t throw up in the trash can at work again, but it was a near thing. I did end up pain-puking when I got home and knocked out after a second dose of imatrex for almost three hours today.
Continue reading “Of Nausea and Nachos”Of Brownouts and Blankets
13,015 Days Alive
1 Hour Without Power at Work
Today was fantastically frustrating. We lost power just after lunch today. Not for too long, but long enough to be annoying and to throw off my whole day.
Continue reading “Of Brownouts and Blankets”Of The Princess Bride and Power Outages
13,014 Days Alive
21 Motifs to Finish
2 Lovey-Dovey Movies
1.5 Hours Without Power
1 Still Under the Weather Kitty
So the power knocked out for about two hours or so earlier today. We were watching The Princess Bride when the power went out. Fen and I opened up the house and did some cleaning while the power was out.
Continue reading “Of The Princess Bride and Power Outages”Of Immunizations and Illness
13,009 Days Alive
I get my first dose of the COVID-19 vaccine tomorrow. I’m not looking forward to it as I’m always afraid of having bad reactions to shots.
But I’ll power through.
Continue reading “Of Immunizations and Illness”Of Crying and Coffee
13,004 Days Alive
3 Crying Jags
2 Soft Tacos
1 Road Trip to Take Tomorrow
Today was a bad day. For reasons I don’t want to talk about, I had a massive panic attack at work today. Like, dry heaving into the wastebasket, crying uncontrollably, unable to breathe for way too long panic attack.
Continue reading “Of Crying and Coffee”
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