12,217 Days Alive
2 Taco Stuffed Green Peppers Eaten
1 Mild Headache
I have my psych appointment tomorrow afternoon. Stressed would be an understatement to the extreme.
This is the same doctor that diagnosed me as Bipolar 1 months ago. I haven’t been back since. So… almost six months without treatment because we jived about as well as a plastic cutting board and a hot oven.
I literally left her office feeling like I had been destroyed. I couldn’t afford the follow up appointment due to finances at the time. So I have literally been floundering, undermedicated and unable to find a therapist I resonate well with since.
It’s… exhausting. To live like this, to be like this, to just keep going. It’s so fucking hard.
I hope tomorrow goes well. I’m afraid to eat because I have a tendency to vomit when stressed. Maybe I’ll just stick to protein shakes tomorrow? And I hope I can sleep without nightmares tonight. I need a good hug. I’m feeling so damn disconnected from my own body; like I’m the daemon outside my body, in the form of some tiny flitting hummingbird that can’t quite stay still ever. Pretty, in the right light, but not quite truly visible.
I did get to FaceTime with Bubbles and Duckie this evening! Got to hear Baby Bubble snoring (SO CUTE) and gave them a video tour of our place since they weren’t able to make it over for the housewarming. Steph and I are going to head over their way towards the end of the month so we can hug on them and meet Baby Bubble for the first time!
I really am stressed the hell out about tomorrow afternoon. In an effort to help keep myself calm, I made myself dinner tonight!
Busted out the awesome adjustable apron my Darling Wife got me and cooked!
I was even clever enough to do the dishes as I went so it wasn’t a big thing when I was done.
Tacos, a Coke, and a show about murder. My chill place.
I then, of course, spent a literal hour trying to find something on Netflix that would hold my tattered attention span for more than ten seconds. I gave up and put on Enya.
So now, I’m working on Baby Bubble’s Blanket with two feline managers in close attendance.
I have some more book reviews to write and post. I should get to that soon.
Take your meds, folks. And hug someone, with permission, when you get a chance.