Of Chocolate and Confusion

14,031 Days Alive

1 Slice of “Chocolate Suicide” Cake

I have a lot of feelings today. Not all of them are mine to claim.

I’m tired and ready for the weekend most anxiously.

I’ve not been sleeping well. Either too much or nowhere near enough. Par for the course when I am this anxiety-riddled. At least I have some fun plans this weekend to see family. Even if it is burning precious gas money to see them.

I’m upset. And that’s a rather remarkable thing for me. I don’t do well with expressing emotions unless parroting another’s back at them or bouncing off the walls with excitement. But negative emotions? Other than the depression I deal with on the daily, I can’t say I’ve a good relationship with them.

I struggle to react properly at times. What I think of as something minor is, to others, something major. I tolerate a lot. I have a high threshold for the various and sundry emotional fuckery that comes with having other people in your life. But sometimes, even my feelings get hurt.

Kind of like in my divorce? It felt like, and I’m not saying this is actual reality, I was the only one grieving the loss of our relationship, of our friendship.

This will absolutely be something I talk about with my therapist. I’m supposed to define and express anger as my therapy homework anyway. And I need to get on that genogram.

Anyway, I am mentally, emotionally, and physically wrung out. But I’m grateful to the supportive people in my life.

I’m for bed. I’ve long since appeased the Duolingo owl.

Take your meds, folks.

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