I had goals for 2018. I don’t think I’ve been that great at meeting them.
Weekend Wind-Down
Tag: Depression
Friends in Strange Places
Days alive: 12,159
Friends I’ve run into today: 2
Plot twists considered: 3
Today has been odd. I’m unbelievably sad. Can’t seem to keep smiling for real so I’ve screwed one on and tried to make it through the day.
I was rewarded, though.
Friends in Strange Places
Days alive: 12,159
Friends I’ve run into today: 2
Plot twists considered: 3
Today has been odd. I’m unbelievably sad. Can’t seem to keep smiling for real so I’ve screwed one on and tried to make it through the day.
I was rewarded, though.
Crocheting, Crying, Creeps, and Coffee
Days alive: 12,158.2
Weird Starbucks monstrosity had: 1
Mistakes made: many
Creepy ex’s dealt with: 1
Hours slept: about 4.5
I can’t sleep. It’s three in the morning and I’ve been awake for about an hour. And sleeping fitfully before that. Today, yesterday I mean, just wasn’t a great day. It wasn’t dead in the family terrible, but it was pretty difficult.
A belated introduction to being me…
Let me start off with being completely and frankly honest: I don’t know how well I’ll do with this blog long term.
Insomnia Interlude 3
Days alive: 12,156.01
Headaches: 1
Hours slept: 3.5
Alarm goes off: 6:25am
I was really hoping for a good nights sleep. But alas, a headache.
Hopefully I can get back to sleep here shortly. The cats are being exceedingly cuddly right now. So that does help a bit.
I would read, but my eyes hurt from this damn headache.
Oh well.
At least I got to have some goofy adventures with J today. Never underestimate the power of faffing off at Target for a bit.
Orchids and Overly-productive
Days alive: 12,155
Words written: 2,045
Bright gold jacket bought: 1
Hours lipstick has stayed: 11 and counting
The orchids in the backyard is blooming something fierce. They’re a lovely color I am pretty sure my hair has been at some point.
It’s pretty. I need pretty things in my life right now. I’m feeling quite awful mentally. As to why I’m not quite sure.
Sleep, Soap, and Sunburn
Days alive: 12,154
MegaLoad washers in use: 2
Cost for one basket of laundry: $6.25
Cost for one box of soap: $0.75
Hours slept: 6.5 hours
Full hampers of laundry to be done: 3
Hey, look at that. There is post on Sundays!
I’ve slept, but my anxiety is through the roof so far today. I don’t seem to be able to do anything right. And Steph is somehow more sunburnt than I am so I can’t be affectionate at all without bothering her.
I feel like a colossal inconvenience in general right now.
Daylight and Desiderata
Days alive: 12,153
Hours slept: 7.5
Bathing suits worn: 1
Calories in my iced coffee: 73
I don’t feel all the way human as of just yet. My bones still ache and I’m still rather mentally stuck in fast forward. But it’s better than it has been. It’s better and I am glad.
Sleepless by the Yarnside
I’ve been two days straight without sleep now. As in, two solid days awake. The new medication is really screwing with me.
Sleep Depo Hell
Days alive: no clue.
Hours awake: lost count.
I still have barely slept. I think my total is less than six hours for this week. My hands won’t stop shaking and I’m so tired my chest aches like I’ve gotten into a bar fight and lost-badly.
I feel like the terrible ice cream cone that’s melting faster than anyone can eat it. Like I’m just dissolving into a pile of useless, colorful goo.
It me.I’m trying to power through. I’m trying to keep going. But I also called my doctor for help because I absolutely can’t continue like this.
Pray for me, and pray that sleep is no longer an evasive bastard.
Edit: typos fixed. I think?
Insomnia Interlude 2
Days alive: 12,149.5
Hours awake: 45 and change.
I was hoping to sleep well tonight. Not so, I guess. New med still screwing with my sleep schedule. Maybe I’ll get some rest tomorrow night.
It was a chill, restful evening after a stomach churning levels of stressful day at work. I’m hoping things will get better soon. I keep wildly vacillating between braking into tears and being so bloody manic/upbeat/cheerful I want to strangle myself just to save everyone else from it.
In other news, I found this gorgeous feather outside of work today. 
I don’t know diddly squat about birds, so I haven’t the foggiest what it could belong to other than “bird”.
Anyway. I’m going to try to sleep at least a little. Or just stare at the inside of my eyelids until my alarm goes off.
New Week, Better Grip
Days alive: 12,148
Current number of ebooks: 4,182
Hours slept: about four
Number of lipsticks I own: 81 (estimated. I actually have no idea because I can’t find them all.)
I haven’t been sleeping. So I’ve done a bit of research. I know a little more about my diagnosis. Still not happy about it, but I can’t seem to quite put into words why I am so upset. It’s frustrating because I try to explain that while I understand that life may be a little easier with treatment now that a specific problem/source has been identified, but I still don’t like the diagnosis at all.
