Days alive: 12,171
Days till NaNoWriMo: 7 and counting!
Meals forgotten: 1
Meals provided by a friend: 1
Cats currently perched on my bum: 1 (Ariadne, the personal space invader extraordinaire!)
Time I plan to leave for work tomorrow: 6am
I am really struggling this evening.
I’m having one of those bad brain gremlin days where I don’t understand why anyone, anyone would want to be friends with me. Why they would want to spend time with me. Why they would want to even speak to me.
I forgot lunch, had trouble with a double charge, so now I have $0.15 to my name until I get paid. A coworker/work friend gave me a spare can of spaghettio and meatball and I swear I almost cried.
I just feel like a burden. Like this toxic waste of space that shouldn’t bother everyone with my problems, with my forgetfulness, with my struggles. It’s not so much screaming into the void, but feeling like I started screaming in the atrium of a massive library where people are cramming for finals at the eleventh hour. I feel like I’m intruding by existing. Like I am not wanted, needed, or desired to be around.
I know it’s probably not true. I’m probably not as annoying as I think I am. And if I am, that is likely how I’ve lost many friends over the years.
Maybe it’s just seasonal change blues or some other such shit. I don’t know.
I’m going to bed.