Early to Rise

Days alive: 12,172

Days till NaNoWriMo: 6 and counting

Cats asleep on me right now: all 3

Months since diagnosis as Bipolar 1: 1

Hours slept: less than 4.5

It has officially been one month since my diagnosis as having bipolar one disorder.

I still hate it.

I’m still trying to find the balance of medication, therapy, and coping skills.

And I’ve not slept all that well. But, I’m awake, awake, and heading into work momentarily. Brain gremlins are still singing shadows into being along the corridors of my minds about how worthless and bothersome I am.

The radio in the back room of my mind that plays a staticky tune about how I would be better dead is a little louder than usual, but I don’t want to die. I just don’t really want to be.

But I have too much shit to do right now to take a permanent solution to temporary problems. I have almost finished the chapter/story outline for Midnight Calls. And J agreed to do cover art for me in exchange for barter or just $50. So, that’s fun.

I wish I wasn’t drowning mentally.

I wish I knew what medication would help and not just keep me awake for nine days.

I wish I could stay home and get some actual sleep.

Oh well.

Maybe tomorrow will be better.

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