Days alive: 12,217
Days till I fly to Texas: 2
Night of Hanukkah: 8th
Cats Snuggled in Close Proximity: 3
Things Accomplished Today: Many
Days Since Loss: 5
I am still really struggling these days.
I haven’t really had the time or opportunity to really mourn yet. I’m hoping my trip to Texas allows me that.
This morning was the interesting. We got Steph’s car serviced.
Then met up with an old friend of my Daddy’s crew, Kelly, to get a photo album from her. It has some photographs of the wedding in ’09 to Mama Kay. There’s one photo in there I love.
But I’m not ready to share it yet.
Reconnecting with Kelly’s a mixed bag. Hella interesting gal, and strong as bricks. But I’m also selfish with my time, my spoons? So I don’t know if I can be the kind of friend she may need right now.
And gods, I really want to be able to say goodbye to my Dad. I want to be able to grieve. I want to be able to let go.
It may take literal alcohol to get me to do so. Dunno.
Dinner was a train wreck because two of our lovely party decided to talk about committing suicide, interrogate me as to funeral arrangements and my plans for my Dad’s earthly goods, and then bandy about the “r” word when they meant something stupid. And then passive aggressively try to pick a fight when I called them on it… after anxiety vomiting in the Applebee’s restroom.
So now I’m crocheting. Waiting for my meds to kick in so I can try to sleep.
Hopefully tomorrow will be an easy day.
Happy last night of Hanukkah, dames and blokes and non-binary folks. ❤️