Nearly Friday

12,219 Days Alive

7,137 Books to Read

I’m having one of those drowning days.

Like I’m back at the bottom of the pool from my grandmother’s apartment complex we lived in back in the early ’90s. Except that this time, this time it wasn’t my stepfather that threw me in with a laugh I could hear over my own screech.
This time, it was my own brain gremlins that reached up their claws from the sun-dappled depths of eight concrete-cased feet down and they yanked me down. 
I started a new medication tonight. Abilify. I’m hoping it will help. So that brings me up to four medications that I’m on to try and help just with the mental crap.
Let me clarify: I am absolutely pro-medication. I just hate that my own body is so far outside the spectrum of my control I have to resort to chemical warfare to silence my own mind. It is frustrating because there are so few things, other than my crocheting, that I genuinely have control over.
I’m drowning, but I’m speaking out. I’m not staying silent and just trying to middle through. Reaching out, asking friends for tips, whatever I can.
I’m so tired. All I can do is try tomorrow.
Take your meds.

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