13,232 Days Alive
2 Loads of Laundry Done
Oh man, today was a long day! I woke up at half past seven a.m. and spent most of the day working on the Buffalo Plaid Blanket for Papa Tom.
I’m still not done with it, sadly. I’m working on the last row of the border. But I hope to finish this week and send it out to Papa Ben and Papa Tom when I get paid on Friday.
But that’s if I finish the hat for Papa Tom that I haven’t even started. And I barely started the knitted scarf for Papa Ben. Maybe I’ll send them the first paycheck of October? I dunno. I tried making a cable knit scarf, but it didn’t work well and I accidentally added a stitch somehow?
I went out with Katas for knitting and a drink. Don’t worry, I got a Diet Coke in comparison to their Guinness. And we took an Uber to the tavern we hung out at. We were naughty and had dessert after lunch though.
I can’t believe it’ll be three years next Tuesday that I started blogging on the daily. I feel like I’ve grown in just three years. Married, divorced, not dead, two jobs, a new apartment/housemate. And Linna, can’t forget meeting Linna. And now Rose and Katas! Being poly in this area seems really difficult with my being ace, but maybe things are looking up!
Mentally, I’m just gearing up for work tomorrow already. I know I’ll be okay, but it feels like I’m just kind of floundering and I don’t know how to find my feet.
I’m doing okay, brain gremlin-wise. They’re not quiet, but they’re not too loud about how much of a failure I am as a person. I’m just trying to keep on keeping on.
***Content warning, discussion of attempted suicide:
I can’t believe I’ve made it this far. It’s only been a few years since my being Baker Acted. Though it’s been about 19 years, three months, a week, and two days since my last active suicide attempt. So that’s 5,927 days. Passive suicidal urges… eh, a little fuzzier, to be honest as it is a daily struggle.
For all the trouble I’ve had, I’m glad I’m still here and am able to be a positive light in some people’s eyes.
I’m for bed as soon as Fen gets home.
Take your meds, folks.