Coming back from the other side of my Bipolar Wonderland through medication, creativity, and moxie.
Trigger warning, suicide mention.
Days alive: 12,162
Hours awake: only about twelve.
I feel like I’m drowning today.
I got sleep, probably more than five hours of it, with interruptions. I still can’t manage to stay asleep for all that long. It’ll get better, but I’ve been up since three am.
Days alive: 12,161
Projects worked on: 4 and counting
Naps taken: 1
Shopping trips completed: 1
Things left to do: so many.
Cliches laughed at: 2
Today has been pretty productive. I’ve been up since 6am or so. Just couldn’t go back to sleep. I keep having dreams that my alarm is going off. It it’s at one or two am, when it isn’t actually going off. It wakes me anyway. Continue reading “Sleepy, Sleepy Sunday”
Days alive: 12,161
Projects worked on: 4 and counting
Naps taken: 1
Shopping trips completed: 1
Things left to do: so many.
Cliches laughed at: 2
Today has been pretty productive. I’ve been up since 6am or so. Just couldn’t go back to sleep. I keep having dreams that my alarm is going off. It it’s at one or two am, when it isn’t actually going off. It wakes me anyway. Continue reading “Sleepy, Sleepy Sunday”
I had goals for 2018. I don’t think I’ve been that great at meeting them.
Days alive: 12,159
Friends I’ve run into today: 2
Plot twists considered: 3
Today has been odd. I’m unbelievably sad. Can’t seem to keep smiling for real so I’ve screwed one on and tried to make it through the day.
I was rewarded, though.
Days alive: 12,159
Friends I’ve run into today: 2
Plot twists considered: 3
Today has been odd. I’m unbelievably sad. Can’t seem to keep smiling for real so I’ve screwed one on and tried to make it through the day.
I was rewarded, though.
Days alive: 12,158.2
Weird Starbucks monstrosity had: 1
Mistakes made: many
Creepy ex’s dealt with: 1
Hours slept: about 4.5
I can’t sleep. It’s three in the morning and I’ve been awake for about an hour. And sleeping fitfully before that. Today, yesterday I mean, just wasn’t a great day. It wasn’t dead in the family terrible, but it was pretty difficult.
Days alive: 12,156.01
Headaches: 1
Hours slept: 3.5
Alarm goes off: 6:25am
I was really hoping for a good nights sleep. But alas, a headache.
Hopefully I can get back to sleep here shortly. The cats are being exceedingly cuddly right now. So that does help a bit.
I would read, but my eyes hurt from this damn headache.
Oh well.
At least I got to have some goofy adventures with J today. Never underestimate the power of faffing off at Target for a bit.
Days alive: still 12,153
Bits slightly sunburnt: 2 breasts and my nose
Joints in pain: every single one
Naps taken in car: 1
Laps done in the lazy river: 5
So, home again, home again, jiggity jig. My entire body is screaming from the amount of activity o forced it through today. Every joint is aching in protest and I’m pretty sure that I managed to toast my tits halfway to lobster despite repeated exposure of SPF 50 and 75.
Days alive: 12,153
Hours slept: 7.5
Bathing suits worn: 1
Calories in my iced coffee: 73
I don’t feel all the way human as of just yet. My bones still ache and I’m still rather mentally stuck in fast forward. But it’s better than it has been. It’s better and I am glad.
I’ve been two days straight without sleep now. As in, two solid days awake. The new medication is really screwing with me.
Days alive: no clue.
Hours awake: lost count.
I still have barely slept. I think my total is less than six hours for this week. My hands won’t stop shaking and I’m so tired my chest aches like I’ve gotten into a bar fight and lost-badly.
I feel like the terrible ice cream cone that’s melting faster than anyone can eat it. Like I’m just dissolving into a pile of useless, colorful goo.
It me.I’m trying to power through. I’m trying to keep going. But I also called my doctor for help because I absolutely can’t continue like this.
Pray for me, and pray that sleep is no longer an evasive bastard.
Edit: typos fixed. I think?
Days alive: 12,149.5
Hours awake: 45 and change.
I was hoping to sleep well tonight. Not so, I guess. New med still screwing with my sleep schedule. Maybe I’ll get some rest tomorrow night.
It was a chill, restful evening after a stomach churning levels of stressful day at work. I’m hoping things will get better soon. I keep wildly vacillating between braking into tears and being so bloody manic/upbeat/cheerful I want to strangle myself just to save everyone else from it.
In other news, I found this gorgeous feather outside of work today. 
I don’t know diddly squat about birds, so I haven’t the foggiest what it could belong to other than “bird”.
Anyway. I’m going to try to sleep at least a little. Or just stare at the inside of my eyelids until my alarm goes off.
Postmark Wonderland 