Of Weariness and Wordcount

21,768 Words on My NaNovel So Far

12,931 Days Alive

I went out today. Into the real world. I was trying to find a specific calendar I wanted through not-Amazon but failed because Barnes and Noble let me down.

Today has been drought with disappointing moments. The cafe con leche I had with my roommate made me sick to my stomach once we got home. Or maybe that was stress. Either way, it sucked.

I got another thousand words on my NaNovel today but I’m still not even halfway there with only a few days to go. Seven days, which works out to me needing to write five K in five days, basically. Eeesh.

I finished the most recent round of border on Baby Bubble’s blanket. I’ve still got a few to go before it’s done-done.

I did the math and I’ve only read 13 of 111 books I wanted to read. Oh well. Maybe I’ll accomplish it in 2021. I’ll trim it down to fifty-two and see how I do.

Since there’s still some interpersonal drama, I did a quick three card pull of Accept, Embrace, Let Go to see what’s up today:

Image is of three cards from The Osho Zen tarot deck; the four of rainbows which is The Miser-an old woman clutching gold and jewels, Major Archana 19 which is Innocence-which is an old man with a praying mantis one raised hand with what I think are cherry blossoms in the background, and Major Archana 9 which is Aloneness-a man turned away towards a blank open space who has a staff in one hand.

Now, were I reading for someone else, I would say The Miser in the Accept position says to be selfish with yourself. Not give your time and attention away so freely. Accept that you are worthy of good things and people applying effort towards you. I would say Embrace having the Innocence card to maybe focus on friendships rather than sexual or romantic things. Find the joy in the simple that you have, or seek joy in the everyday. And Let Go has Aloneness. It is not loneliness. It is aloneness, and maybe what needs to be let go is the fear of self, the fear of being alone. But solitude can be fulfilling in its own way. I pulled one last card as an obstacle in the way of happiness and got the 9 of water: Laziness. The lack of effort, be it in the self or in others, is the major hurdle here.

Image is of a card from The Osho Zen tarot, the 9 of water-it shows a large man in robes and sunglasses sitting on plush pillows with a drink in one hand. The background is black and white checkerboard.

I’m weary. Things have not been going my way the last few weeks and I’m a little down about it. It’ll get better. This week is going to be awesome. I’m speaking it into existence now.

Well. I’m off to maybe get a second opinion and then I’m going to go snuggle into my blanket cocoon and get some sleep.

Take your meds, folks.

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