Of Anger and Actualization

14,013 Days Alive

60 Minutes of Therapy

2 Homework Assignments

1 New Book to Read

I had therapy today and man was it hard. I keep getting triggered by a specific stressor and I don’t know how to go about removing it form my peripherals. It’s an exceedingly complicated situation.

I also need to work on my anger.

Anger, to me, I meant to hurt others. It is painful and loud and violent. It’s slammed doors, bruises, ears ringing from being yelled at, and being made to feel less than. I’m not good at expressing anger. I wasn’t taught as a child how to have productive anger. I was taught that anger was a source of pain, that I wasn’t allowed to feel it, even if it was justified. I am working on it. But I’m also afraid of getting angry. Because anger hurts others, hurts me.

I’m also struggling with boundaries. I’ve trimmed most people that I don’t want in my life. Not all, because there are a few relations that are complicated and a few non-related people that I have to keep around to keep an eye on them. It’s exhausting.

I’m also just physically exhausted from yesterday. An out and about hangover, as it were. Spent most of my day trying not to nap, doing laundry, and working on the final six rows of Papa Ben’s blanket.

This week, I’ll have to get all my chores done before the weekend because I’ll be going to Mal and Bubbles’ place for the holiday weekend. I’m excited about that.

Anyway, I’ve appeased the Duolingo owl for the day, so I’m for bed.

Take your meds, folks.

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