13,210 Days Alive
6 Tarot Card Readings
Today has been wildly fun. J and I spent the better part of basically doing personal therapy with our respective decks of tarot cards.
Right now we’re playing Terraforming Mars. It’s a really long, lovely game. You and your compatriots play as colonizers on the planet Mars and it has a million little pieces and cards and it’s one of my favorite games.
But yeah, lots of tarot cards. The Botanica deck of J’s, that I also have a copy of and the Wild Unknown deck that we also both have. I got my copy of the Wild Unknown from Reffie with the awesome coordinating journal! I also brought my Weaver Tarot and my deck that I’ve had since ‘99: The Osho Zen Tarot. That’s not even all my decks but those are my primary ones, Osho Zen and Wild Unknown.
Anyway, mentally I’m in a terrible place. I… just… don’t know what the fuck I’m doing. The fact that I’ve got a year to get my feet under me should make me feel good. But even the potential of being homeless again… it fucking terrifies me.
I know I have a good job. I have a support network. But the icy claws of old fears dig deep. And short of winning the lotto, or some benefactor, I don’t know what I’m going to do.
The stress of it has me taking prescription strength anti-nausea medicine to keep meals down because my anxiety is so bad.
Anyway, I’m going to go finish playing (read: lose terribly but have fun doing it) Terraforming Mars.
Take your meds, folks.