Of Desperation and Depression

~ Theodora Vanyar

13,394 Days Alive

909 Days Straight on Duolingo

I spent forty seven minutes on hold with 211 today. That’s the local suicide prevention hotline. I tried going to a local crisis center but they turned me away and told me to call 211.

I’m so disheartened. And depressed. And struggling. I couldn’t drive my roommate and I to the grocery store this evening. I couldn’t go pick up my meds because I wasn’t sure I was safe behind the wheel.

I don’t want to die. I want the pain, the everything to stop. The exhaustion. The absolute end-of-my-rope feeling.

I’m out of spoons.

Take your meds, folks.

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Published by Theodora Vanyar

Writer. Artist. Laughter addict. Queer, Jew-ish, witchy, anxiety riddled, dealing with #BipolarDisorder, and fat. Oxford Comma FOREVER! All else is icing.

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