14,059 Days Alive
3 Panic Attacks
1 Postponed Meeting (Three times!)
Today was stressful at work. I’m just mentally exhausted. Still loving my job, but I got an important project tossed into my lap as soon as I walked in today and spent most of the day stressed as hell.
One of the worst things about having an anxiety disorder is the lack of control I have about worrying something is going to go terribly wrong. I do not have control over it. I wish I did. Especially when someone says something like “we need to talk” or “there’s a meeting scheduled with just you and person XYZ” and I’m not told why. Or what the meeting/discussion is about.
Genuinely, I think the last time someone said “we need to talk” is when my ex-wife asked me for a divorce when I came back in our apartment after taking out the trash. So it’s a bit of a trigger sort of thing for me. I stress, I worry, I obsess that something has gone wrong and the world is likely to be upended.
I wish I wasn’t like this. I’ve spent the last two days on red alert, fearing I’m going to lose my job, because of a meeting that still hasn’t taken place. I finally asked outright for clarification today and got it, so now I am in a much better headspace.
But it makes for an exhausting way of life. Hopefully things will be better tomorrow.
I’ll be heading out to see Mal and the gang for a quick overnight stay tomorrow after work. It’s Little Bee’s first birthday! I’m not likely to go swimming with everyone, as I’m not in the mood, but I’ll be bringing my swimsuit with just in case.
Anyway, as previously stated, I am exhausted. I didn’t crochet or write or anything but do chores once I got home.
I did go see Gomez and bring him some tea from Kaleisia’s Tea House after work. We both had a rough day, so it was needed. I didn’t go with traditional chai, though he enjoys it; I got us both another favorite of both his and mine: Moroccan Mint tea. I got it as a milk tea with boba. Mmm!
So. Meds, water, bed. I’ve already fed the cat, done laundry, done the dishes, and cleaned up around the house. I’m also charging my Kindle to be able to read when I’m able. Maybe at work on lunch tomorrow?
Anyway, as ever: take your meds, folks.