14,787 Days Alive
2 Packets of Hot Cocoa Powder Accidentally Added to My Cup
My new job does the full-timers well around the holidays. And Rose, rockstar that she is, set up a hot cocoa bar in the break room! Super cool. Of course, I got distracted listening to someone talk about books and accidentally added two packets of hot cocoa to one cup. A delicious mistake, but I kinda felt bad.
I am off work until maybe Friday? Basically until Sunday night unless Poppy needs me on Friday.
This holiday season has been mega rough on me for some reason. And bonus: I haven’t finished my holiday shopping because almost half my gifts are edible! I want to find blood oranges for Lucian, glass bottle vanilla Frappuccinos for Brian, and Sheba wet cat food shreds in fish and poultry for Spock and Benny.
I am really good at functional gifts. I do like to do “one just for fun” for people, though. Like an adorable, trans flag shark for Lucian. His online handle is shark-related and so are a bunch of his plushies. He even has a massive stuffed shark that’s almost as tall as I am from snout to tail fin that he calls Chum Buddy. It’s great. And Brian? Nice, thick, long merino wool socks! He’s got big feet and no “proper” winter shoes, nor does he really need them. But socks are an always awesome gift.
Recently, my anxiety has had a chokehold on me. I am just an emotional wreck. I just have to keep taking a deep breath and waiting until 1 January. When that finally hits, I will be able to access my insurance card. And once I have that I can make a therapy appointment. Or, at least try to find a therapist that has an opening in the next three months or so. One that doesn’t think asexuality is a phase or something to be fixed. One that is queer, friendly and gender affirming.
It’s so freaking difficult. I should seriously watch the damn blue fish on repeat. The memory-challenged one from Finding Nemo. Because all of it has been going through my head all of the holiday season so far, and in a couple months beforehand, is that stupid, annoying, ridiculous “just keep swimming” song.
So. That is what I am going to try my best to do. I’m going to keep taking my meds. And I’m going to keep on my health provider about my financial assistance application. Because if I could shell out somewhere around less than $300 a month, that would be awesome.
Let’s hope I get more than two and a half hours of sleep tonight.
Take your meds, folks.
Postmark Wonderland 