14,794 Days Alive
2,230 Days Straight on Duolingo
5 Shelves on the Bookshelf I Built This Evening
3 Ibuprofen Taken
Welp, I had a full on panic attack today. Pretty much disassembled my room onto my bed trying to find the old smart watch that DW gave me back in 2020.
Like, it was a several hours long ordeal for me. I tried sour skittles, I tried deep breathing, I tried my anti-anxiety meds, I tried drinking some calming tea, and cleaning. The stress cleaning is finally what chilled me out but again it’s difficult to deal with. I was just in an awful mood for the rest of today. I was supposed to make French onion soup tonight and I swear I did not want to be around knives I was so upset.
It’s not a big deal. It’s just a watch. It’s a watch that I haven’t been able to wear for about a year and a half because it seemed to upset my former partner. Jealousy issues abounded with them.
In any case, the bookshelf eventually got built today. And I dusted my bookshelves, all of them. I put heavy books, specifically coloring books, and the pencils that I use specifically for coloring books, on the bottom shelf. More heavy books and straight up notebooks after that. Is just fiction paperbacks. I ended up shuffling things around on the little shelves against the wall. It’s not perfect, but it’s a whole lot better than it was.
I ended up even calling DW because I was so upset about the watch. And I acknowledge that it was likely misplaced anxiety or, quite possibly, just my body being a hormonal asshole. PMS sucks. Especially since I stopped bleeding for all of three days and then started bleeding again because my uterus hates me.
My hips, unfortunately, are absolutely screaming. The bursitis in the left hip kicks up pretty much daily. But the right hip just doesn’t like me today. If I didn’t absolutely loath the smell of that Icy Hot goo, I would absolutely use some. Regrettably, some asshole in my past made the menthol/Icy Hot smell a horrific trigger for me. And it is a scent that I can pick up from quite a distance. That might’ve been part of why I was so anxious today? Because Brian put a large quantity of Icy Hot on Lucian early in the afternoon. And even though both of the guys were in their shared bedroom, it is a smell that permeates the air. I didn’t even consider that that might’ve been a trigger for my anxiety, honestly. Aren’t I a paragon of brilliance?
I think I’m gonna end up being up until two or three in the morning, trying to set my room to rights. My bed is covered with all of the things that were on my desk. It is an absolute mess. I am accidentally stressing out Mr. Spock by just having stuff everywhere. That is a definite downside to not having sufficient storage.
I did, however, get a dresser for the winter holidays. So tackling the mountain clean clothes is on the list today/this week. I work from home on Monday, I think I’m off Wednesday and Thursday? But I’ll have to double check.
Anyway, I need to get back to un-fucking the mess that is my space.
Take your meds, folks.
Postmark Wonderland 