Sunrise and Samhain

Days Alive: 12,164

Ebooks check out from the library: 6

Lipsticks tried: 3

Halloween costumes completed: 1

Jumpsuits owner now: 3

Story elements plotted: many!

Yesterday was fantastically productive. J and I met up after work for a touch of thrifting and some story plotting.

Yesterday dawned a little brighter than Monday had.

The morning commute from the passenger seat

I woke feeling a little less strangled by my own emotions. I’m still manic. I’m not sleeping enough and the littlest thing can catapult me into full on panic attacks. And I keep experiencing dissociative states, I guess. When I explained how I kept blinking and time passes with no memory of action or super skewed perception of the passage of time the last few days, Stephanie said that sounded like dissociation. Which is concerning.

But I’ll deal with it. It’s nothing that hasn’t happened before. So long as I remain productive while I’m blinking out, I genuinely don’t care.

Reminds me: I should make that follow up appointment with Dr. B and the therapist. Or maybe find a different therapist.

NaNoWriMo is coming up and I am SO excited this year. J may participate as well, with a smaller goal, and I am terribly excited at the thought. I wonder if anyone else is doing it? I’d love to get work involved, to be honest.

My Hallows costume is done! Yay for the approaching holiday! I love Samhain/All Hallows/Halloween.

I’m skipping ears and feet additions because of my latex sensitivity, but I’m going to be a Hobbit! The original costume idea fell through spectacularly, and kismet seemed content to throw a closet cosplay at me yesterday, so I just rolled with it.

I checked out a few books from the library’s ebook library yesterday. Among them is An Ember in the Ashes, which comes highly recommended. I checked out six for three weeks, so I’m going to try and knock out two books a week, with reviews posted here.

Let’s hope I don’t have to stop reading because of rape scenes again. I have to admit, that’s become a distressing trend: rather than challenge them physically or mentally, let’s just sexually assault the character. Game of Thrones is especially guilty of this. It’s not all lazy writing, but I question the trend in media where it has become acceptable as a plot device.

With all that’s going on politically, scrolling through social media can be horrifically triggering for sexual assault survivors. For me, being a survivor of multiple attacks and prolonged sexual abuse, it has been particularly devastating to my happiness.

But we must keep going and not give in but momentarily to that crushing despair.

As my favored Max Ehrmann said: “With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams,
it is still a beautiful world.
Be cheerful.
Strive to be happy
.”

And so I shall strive to be happy, at least today.

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