12,698 Days Alive
1 Doctor’s Appointment and New Medication
Welp, I’m up to three medications for my depression and Bipolar Disorder. I kinda hate it, kinda hope it works out?
So, full disclosure, as much as I harp on taking one’s medications, I’ve not been taking my slow acting insulin as I should. In fact, I’ve been pretty shitty about self-care in general. I’ve not been eating, I haven’t actually put my laundry away in…two weeks? Maybe three. It’s in a basket, at least, but that’s barely an excuse. I hydrate, but that’s because I don’t want a damn dehydration migraine. But I can’t be bothered to have tea lately and that was one of my great loves.
Depressive episodes suck and I guess I didn’t realize how hard this one hit me. Sneaky little bugger, it is.
Anyway, Stephanie and Tink found out and we had a house meeting, intervention-type thing about it when I got home from work. I cried, like I usually do when overwhelmed. I basically tried to explain that it was a passive form of being suicidal. When it comes to monitoring my bloodsugar, I’ve been crappy at it for months because I just can’t be bothered. I don’t care. I really don’t. Which I’m sure upset them, but, that’s just my brain chemistry being fucked right now and I don’t know what to do about it.
The not caring… that needs to change. I need a little more structure to my days. I’m going to start taking my medication twelve hours apart in hopes of getting into a routine. I bit the bullet, metaphorically, and made a follow up appointment with my therapist for the fifteenth of April, in the afternoon. It’s a tele-appointment, which I absolutely hate, but it’s what I have to do.
Mr. Peter, my psych med doctor, put me on Wellbutrin today. It’ll be a third medication to help along with the Lexapro and Abilify. I’m hoping it helps and that I don’t have a reaction like when I was talking Cymbalta. For those that don’t know, I was Baker Acted previously due to Cymbalta in 2017. I was going to kill myself using all the insulin that I had at the time and had a breakdown at work, had to go to the hospital. It ended up that I didn’t. And that’s how I started on medication in the first place for my mental health.
I’m going to struggle. I’m going to screw up and have bad days. But I’m going to try and get better. That’s why I started this blog. To try and get better.
I’m planning to do a thing in June, but don’t want to talk about it too much just yet. It’s a plan, not an action yet.
I’ve got to get a few hundred more words in for #CampNaNoWriMo before bed, so I’m going to go.
Take your meds, folks. All of them.