12,704 Days Alive
9 Day Streak for Camp NaNoWriMo
6 Rows Left on DW’s Blanket
I’m exhausted! And stuck in fast forward! I’ve been like this all day! Oh look, a yawn. I took an anti anxiety medication with my nightly doses because I think I’ve been low-grade on the verge of a panic attack all day.
I spent most of my evening half-watching Moana and working on DW’s Blanket as well as a Secret Project. Muwahahaha! But no, really, May is going to be interesting. I’m not done with the blanket yet, still six rows and the border to do. But Peanut kept me company, which was nice.
I also chatted a bit with some writer friends on a Skype group chat we have.
The divorce hearing is in two weeks. I’m so sad about it still. And anxious. I’m scared I’ll mess something up or something will go wrong or COVID-19 will fuck this up. As much as I dislike how things unraveled, I just want it over. I want Steph to be happy, and for myself to be happy. And I’m still disappointed I couldn’t be that person for her, nor she for me.
It’s disheartening to fail. And too easy to dwell on, as well. No one likes admitting that they failed on one of the major “life event” type things. Of course, I failed at high school. And then got my GED. And then I failed at college. But I do want to go back and finish. Things will get better.
After the divorce goes through, and the COVID craziness is over, there are a few goals I want to achieve . I’d like to go out with the Gator family to a natural spring or to the beach. I’d like to formally change my name. I’d like to get a new sketchbook just for flower drawings! Maybe I’ll use the one from my trunk, if it’s still there. April Showers bring May Flowers! I’d like to get more of my goals accomplished, so find more time for reading for sure.
I’m going to go appease the Duolingo owl and read for a bit.
Take your meds, folks.