13,042 Days Alive
3 Butter Tarts Eaten
1 Old Favorite Shared with Fen
Somehow, despite knowing me for almost a decade, Fen had never seen the movie Practical Magic. Until tonight! We watched it and they really enjoyed it.
It’s one of my favorite movies. Feminist Magic in the real world is always my jam. And the soundtrack is lovely.
And I absolutely needed a little pick-me-up after my therapy appointment with Mx Steph today. We went over how I’ve been actively suicidal lately, not just passively. Like driving to the top of a parking garage or contemplating going to the Skyway to jump off. It’s been pretty bad lately. It’s gotten a little better now that my hair is colored again. I feel… a little more like me. I’m still fighting brain gremlins but I don’t have a solid plan for killing my self like I did in weeks previous.
We talked, in therapy, about making a safety plan for me. And whether or not hospitalization would be a good thing, because of how I’m feeling. I don’t think it would be. With COVID and other factors, it might end up with me dead faster than otherwise possible. So we agreed against it.
I’m trying my best to keep on going. And that’s all I can do.
Reffie briefly absconded with me this afternoon to Lowry Park. The actual park, not the Zoo. It was a lovely time and I got to see some friends and several acquaintances. I also got to talk shop with some fellow yarn-aholics, so that was nice.
Anyway, I have to go appease the Duolingo owl before bed. And try to get some sleep. Which, quick sidebar: fuck that new med they tried to have me take to sleep. I slept for two hours, woke up, slept another two hours, and then was up the rest of the night. Ugh. No help at all.
In any case, take your meds, folks.