14,407 Days Alive
1 Warm Snap Coming Tomorrow
Tomorrow afternoon, I’ll be meeting up with some local pagan peeps! I’m trying so hard to find my community here. I’ve joined Facebook groups and tried meet ups… it’s exhausting.
But I’m trying to find friends here and it’s annoyingly difficult with how little human interaction I get on the daily. With where I work, at the hospital, it’s not possible or even looked kindly on to make friends with patients. And since my office is just me, four walls, and my coworker Ashley, meeting new people is… hard.
I have the Pathfinder gang. I’m grateful for Beau and Tina, my roommates, and Mac. But I’m used to a much more… uh, well, large group of friends. A larger, more colorful and queer or strange spectrum of people I’ve met along the way.
People like Chelé and Reffie and J are my rocks, even if it’s mainly digital that I get to interact with them. But I miss hugs. I miss sitting around a table, breaking bread with friends and laughing our asses off. I miss going to museums with people. I miss people. A lot.
Covid changed a lot for me, for the world. So I understand it’s never going to be as it was. Not again. But damn if I don’t miss being a college student making stone soup with half a dozen people cluttering up my living room playing Guitar Hero as I make dinner.
I’m homesick for a place that doesn’t exist. I long for stability but feel rootless even now. I don’t know what to do.
I had therapy with Jenn yesterday. We started getting into my sexual trauma and the times I was assaulted growing up. It was… difficult. I didn’t sleep well, even with the meds I took to try and get good rest. But I have to work through it, eventually. What better time than now?
Anyway, I’m going to go appease the Duolingo owl and head to bed.
Take your meds, folks.
Postmark Wonderland 