12,255 Days Alive
5,729 Books to Read
52 More Goals to Meet
6 Days Until My Doctor’s Appointment
3 Days Until My Three Day Weekend
2 Days Till Payday
1 Cat Begging for Attention Whilst the Other Is Being a Jerk
I’m not having a great day. Neither physically, mentally, nor emotionally.
I feel worthless. A burden. Unwanted.
I feel like everything would be better if I were not here.
I’m not… I am not in danger of suicide. I have plans tomorrow. The day after. Most days next week. Goals still to reach, Books to Read.
If there’s a few days where I’m just living to Read, living to write, living to bang out a bunch of pre-written bling entries for the coming months to hold in reserve for days where my spoons have dwindled to nothing, I am okay with that.
I don’t have to live for myself every single day.
There are days where I am allowed to just be sad. Just be in pain. I can internalize the Swamp of Sadness bullshit currently overtaking the Mental Library. I can keep going, I think.
Tomorrow might be a warpaint day. If I don’t sleep well again, it may just be out of necessity.
Take your meds, friends. And don’t be afraid to reach out. We all need help. Depend on your tribe. And remember, as I try to, that it does get better.
XoXoX
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