12,972 Days Alive
5 Days Till Payday
1 Massive Lunch
So I had a chance to see Ian and Megan again today. Megan needed to return some shoes so we did that and then went to an all-you-can-eat sushi place that was really good.
My favorite thing from lunch was something called a Las Vegas roll that was deep fried, had eel and eel sauce on it. So good.
It was really slow in the restaurant until we went to leave. And everyone was wearing masks, which I really liked.
After, we needed to appease our sweet tooth, so we hit up Cheesecake Factory. As my farewell to carbs, I hit the sweet stuff jackpot with the Oreo Extreme Dream Cheesecake.
Physically, after lunch, I was exhausted; this whole weekend feels like it has been non-stop. I need a vacation from my holiday weekend. Heh.
I decided to frog Grandma Gator’s blanket and restart it. I was only sixteen rounds into the granny square but I just didn’t like how it was working up. It had an odd ripple to it I couldn’t quite figure out where it was coming from and why it wouldn’t lay flat.
I’m still working on the Firebird blanket, which is what I’ve decided to call the gold, yellow, salmon orange, and red variegated yarn project. On of my 2021 goals is to finish all my outstanding crochet projects. So far, three days on, I’m doing okay. Time will tell how many I manage to complete.
I was going to watch more episodes of The Mandalorian and do some more laundry today, but when I got home from lunch, I crashed hard and slept for three hours.
That being said, I am Yawn City right now and will be going to bed after I get a few more pages read in The Language of Spells by Sarah Painter. It’s not as good as any of Sarah Addison Allen’s books, but they do have very similar themes: magic in the ordinary. Nothing quite as harsh as “traditional” urban fantasy, but softer, more feminine. Witchcraft and magic as seamlessly integrated as a next door neighbor that you’ve known for forever. An enjoyable enough read, but I’m not sure I’ll be reading beyond the second book she wrote, The Secrets of Ghosts or The Garden of Magic. I believe I own both. Yes, I just checked. I do.
Anyway, I’m mentally all right. A little wrung out from the busy weekend, even though it was long. I’m looking forward to work tomorrow, mostly. I have a doctor’s appointment with my psych meds doctor Peter first thing in the morning. I hope it goes well and I get my meds refilled without issues.
Speaking of issues, I’m having pretty bad imposter syndrome problems as of late. I feel like most of my friends only tolerate who they think I am and not me in actuality. I feel like I’ve fooled them into thinking I am a good person when I’m truly a terrible person. It’s a struggle.
Add to that the fact that I am actively suicidal right now, and it makes it hard to reach out, to ask for help. I’m taking all my meds, including my insulin, but I’m shit at hydrating and eating. I almost need to set reminders to do so. My anxiety is low, minus the constant low key fear I’m going to lose my job, then by that token lose my car, my place to live, Spock, and then I’d just kill myself because I’m in such a downward spiral. So maybe not as low as I thought.
But it’s whatever. I know I have to keep going. Even though I don’t fucking want to.
Anyway, I really am exhausted. I’m going to head to bed.
Take your meds, folks.